How to raise a stubborn child

December 27, 2019

Stubbornness of children

The problem of stubbornness of children is one of the most common problems facing families. There is frequent talk among parents about children and their behavior, and they always repeat the word (stubborn), or the phrase (his head is dry) and the phrase (does not work except in his mind) when describing their child and this causes them A lot of anxiety and turmoil, because of what comes from their stubborn children, and what appears to be opposition and challenge in many situations; parents stand at a loss in front of their children’s behavior and stubbornness, and how to raise their children to make them cooperative, and with normal behavior, like other children of similar age. .

The parents’ ignorance of how to deal with stubborn children causes them to become angry, angry, and the constant tension that leads them to follow non-educational methods and methods that reflect on the child’s behavior and his dealings with others, and his negative and unwanted behavior may increase, so the psychological state increases and the gap increases. Both the child and his parents.

The age of obstinacy in children

The first two years of a child’s life pass quietly and often in peace. Educational and psychological studies indicate that the age at which a child’s stubborn behavior appears after the second and a half of his age, and increases in the third and fourth, and if the parents are better at dealing with him, and act wisely with the stubborn child, then The behavior of stubbornness fades in the child at the age of five or six, and it is worth mentioning that the educator must not rely on the idea that stubbornness is a temporary thing and will fade after the age of seven in the child, as neglect by the educator for the stubborn behavior and lack of interest in it leads to disturbances Psychological and aggressive, may continue with him beyond the age of twenty. [1]

The concept of a stubborn child

Definition of the child

The child is a language: taken from the triple verb a child, and it means: the cheap plant, that is, the soft, and the boy is called a child from the time of his birth until he dreams. [2]

A child as a convention or childhood: It is the stage that extends from the moment a person is born until he is reached.

Definition of stubborn

The word “stubborn” is always called the opposing child, or who is difficult to deal with, or who has a strong will and determination.

Types of stubbornness

Stubbornness in children is of two types: [4]

Stubbornness born with a child: where the child is characterized by stubbornness the moment he comes to this world, shouting and behaving in a bad way, and this type of children has a genetic predisposition that makes him stubborn and wild.

Acquired stubbornness: that is, stubbornness is generated as a result of an emotional experience that the child has experienced, or as a result of excessive activity in him, which leads to many problems facing him and increases the degree of stubbornness.

How to raise a stubborn child

It is the responsibility of parents to raise their children properly, free from disturbance and stress, and in the event that children suffer from behavioral disorders, these disorders make dealing with them difficult and tired, especially if this child is characterized by stubbornness, and in this case it is obligatory for parents to know the truth The important thing is that stubbornness is not a bad thing in most cases, but rather it is a behavior that shows that the child has a lot of confidence in himself, and parents must take care of this confidence and develop it, so that they help the child to express this great self-confidence in the correct way. To reduce the degree of stubbornness in a child, parents should consider the following: [4] [5]

Smile in the face of the child: the smile is a great manners and behavior that parents must recognize when dealing with the child and talking to him; its presence makes the child feel safe and reassured.

Avoid negative phrases: insulting, insulting, grumbling and complaining, because this leads to the child using these phrases in the simplest situations, and repeating them continuously, thus increasing the child’s stubborn behavior. Therefore, it is the responsibility of the parents to increase the encouraging encouragement of the child, and enhance confidence he have.

Spend enough time with the child: that is, the parents stay with the child in a state of permanent friendliness, and give him more time that shows full-time for him and care and care for his affairs, it is not intended here to take the child on a particular trip, or sporting event, but rather to flirt with him, and allocate the most time to the child, Let the parents out of the circle of abstract orders and prohibitions, so the relationship between the child and his parents will be strengthened, which will have the greatest impact on raising the stubborn child and gaining his trust.

Creating intimacy between the child and his parents: Intimacy helps the stubborn child to get rid of stress and psychological disturbance, it makes him feel the parents ’interest in him, and the great effort to save time for him, and the familiarity of the child shows that the relationship between him and his parents is not just angry words, or orders given to the child and he must implement Rather, it is a huge product of love and interest.

Listening to the child: Listening to the child and his speech is an important way to demonstrate its importance and earn his respect. Children love that parents spend time with them listening to them, because this makes the child realize that his parents are close to him who understand his desires, and parents must know that the child constantly wants to approach his parents and speak with them, He may choose a time that is not appropriate for them, such as the time for work in the office, or the time for preparing dinner. Therefore, time must be devoted to listening to the child, making him feel safe, and expressing what he has in mind, and the thoughts in his mind.

Focus on the positives: The stubborn child often finds nothing but criticism for his behavior, but appreciation of some positive behaviors issued by the stubborn child and praising him makes him happy, and pushes him to repeat good behavior to gain praise and praise.

Professor Dr. Abdul Karim Bakkar added some methods and methods in how to deal with a stubborn child, including: [1]

Ignoring: means that the educator turns a blind eye to some of the behaviors that come from the stubborn child and ignore his act, because the stubborn child refuses to do something, or perhaps does not perform it in the manner required of him, in order to prove himself, draw attention to him, and ignore the educator for his act, abort Stubbornness has, and prevents the child from investing stubbornness and developing it, so the child often refuses to eat the meal and leaves the table lying on the ground, and when the parents ignore his action, the child returns to his food after he realizes that the parents ignore him, and he realizes that his stubbornness did not help.

Reward: studies indicate that the human mind’s ability to absorb and perceive negatives is much greater than its ability to perceive the positives, and from this point of view the educator easily understands his negative behavior, while the positive behavior requires more attention, and accuracy in observation, so the educator must praise the positive act of the child , And promoting praise with material reward, or the promise to buy something that he loves, or to take it out on a recreational trip, and the benefit of the educator’s behavior in this way, to consolidate the impact of obedience in the child in order to ensure its repetition and preservation.

Punishment: No educator dispenses with punishment, no matter how quiet his child is, and the punishment does not necessarily have to be beaten.

Causes and motives for stubbornness

There are many causes and multiple motives that cause the child to be stubborn, the most important of which are the following:

Negligence: Where negligence on the part of parents leads to their children gradually resulting in the appearance of stubbornness, the intransigence and urgency of the child increases, and its negative effects appear, and this neglect has its causes, such as the large number of their problems or concerns about the child, or the lack of sufficient time for the child and caring for him, individually, And that is in the event that there are a large number of children in the same family, or preoccupation with the means of amusement for caring and caring for the child and other reasons.

Deprivation: Deprivation in all its forms and types leads to the emergence of stubbornness in the child, and the most dangerous types of deprivation; depriving the child of the tenderness of motherhood, as it creates a tendency for aggression in the child, and the stubbornness of the child increases when he realizes that with his stubbornness he has been able to fulfill his demands that he seeks, and deprivation is also restricted Child movement, denial of movement and suppression of freedom.

Urgent needs: The child’s severe and urgent needs push the child to stubbornness, such as his need to rest in extreme fatigue, or his need for food in extreme hunger.

The tyranny of the parents: Some parents are characterized by tyranny and force the child to do things that he does not want to do, so the child adopts the stubborn behavior to get rid of this tyranny. The wording of the matter when asking to do something from the child, and that this request be kind, and please, as the child by nature rejects the dry tone.

Bad education: the child learns from his parents many things in many situations that pass through him, such as the dealings of parents with problems and difficult situations, and the use of force to solve the crisis, and determination on opinion, then the child uses his parents’ behavior to overcome difficulties, because the child’s acquisitive nature dictates what Imitates the behavior of this or that.

The test: In many cases, the child will test his parents, to see the extent of his ability to confront and challenge them, so he will follow the continuous crying method and the stubborn method to achieve what he wants. If he succeeds, he will continue to be stubborn and consider him a way to achieve what he wants, and if he does not succeed, he will resort to another means, and this is what he calls Some support and respond to stubborn behavior.

Neurological disorders: Disorders and neurological diseases are one of the reasons for the emergence of the character of obstinacy in the child, and the state of obstinacy in them takes on a nervous nature in it a bit of complexity;

Successive diseases: The child who suffers from successive diseases needs more attention, care and courtesy, as the many diseases that have passed through him make him familiar with the aches and pains, and this turns into a rooted habit in the child, and uses shouting and wailing in all his cases, in health and disease, so that his parents fulfill his demands, Consequently, this behavior becomes a natural part of his life.

The new birth: the child’s stubborn behavior sometimes begins with the arrival of a new baby for his family, because the new baby is the one that gets the most attention from parents, and because the nature of the child prevents him from objecting to the discrimination issued by his parents, so the inner knot and psychological struggle pushes him into stubborn behavior, to express His rejection of the reality in which he was put.


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